My goal for this blog has been to write in it each day. Yesterday was a bit fat fail. So today, I want to talk about the big, dumb, adulting reason why:
Things take FOREVER.
I think one of the ultimate struggles of adulting is that as you get older the support system you had to make life work is taken away (hopefully slowly and not abruptly) until one day you find yourself having to make life work entirely on your own.
And guess what? Making life work takes FOREVER.
Two months ago, I decided to get on my husband’s phone plan. I called the phone company to see about cancelling my account and unlocking my phone. No problem, it will be a piece of cake! Just go to a store.
Go to the old phone company store. Spend an hour in the store while they process my request. Why does it take an hour? What are they processing for so long? I don’t really know. And of course I find out that while I thought I had been buying my phone in installments, I had been leasing it and NOW I have to buy it out. This is annoying. But! They tell me, don’t pay it just yet because the new phone company might do it for you. I like that.
Go to new phone company. They will not buy it out (boo). But they can get me all set up (yay!). Account is set up in a few minutes. I am killing this adulting thing. Insert new SIM card. Nope, doesn’t work because phone is not unlocked. Ok, small hiccup. No problemo.
Call old phone company. They say they can’t unlock it until I buy out the phone. But the department I’m talking to doesn’t handle payments. That’s another department. Am transferred around until the payment is processed. Will be done in 24 hours and should call back to request unlock. A little hurdle but not too bad overall. Just pay and I’m out.
After 24 hours, call back to request unlock. They take a look at my account. Payment has not only not been processed but there is no record of a payment being made. W…T…F…
Meanwhile, new phone company has set me up on the wrong phone plan and our phone bill is now off by about $300. My dreams of adulting grandeur are going out the window. I am not equipped to handle this.
Go to store of old phone company. Takes them about 20 minutes and the assistance of a manager but they think they know what the deal is. For whatever reason, no payment was processed but they can help me buy my phone. $180…gone. I don’t even care any more. I would give them my pinkie toe to get this done. They, of course, can’t help me unlock my phone. I. Have. To. Call. Customer. Support. I honestly beg them to do it with me because the customer support line is more like a black hole where everything that happens is crushed into oblivious and ceases to exist so nothing ever gets done. They won’t help me.
Go to new phone company. Explain issue with phone plan. Get a credit for next bill and phone plan is fixed. Ok! Maybe I can adult a little.
Take a shot of bourbon. Call old phone company and request phone be unlocked. A few hours later I get an e-mail saying the request has been processed! Oh wait, it will take 24-48 hours. That’s ok, I can hold out. I think.
New phone company calls and says they weren’t able to port my phone number over because they need my password. I call them back ready to give them whatever they need – my cat, my eggs, my favorite pair of sweatpants that I pull out when no one is around. Then they say that I shouldn’t port the number until the phone is unlocked because otherwise I won’t be able to use my phone. I look like the runner up in America’s Next Top Model, with big watery eyes and tight lips that say “I CAN’T LET THE WORLD SEE THAT I HAVE DIED INSIDE”
I wait 24 hours the same way I waited for my American Girl doll to arrive when I was 7. Bated. At the 24 hour mark, I attempt to install SIM chip. Survey says! Phone is not unlocked. Furtive texts to Mr. Juris Doctor about ending my own life. He suggests I wait the full 48 hours and then call them back.
After 48 hours, call the old phone company. They say they are “backlogged” and will need to submit the request again. While they process the request, they attempt to convince me to stay with their network. It’s hard to not to laugh. Now, when it arrives, I doubt their e-mail that says it will happen in 24-48 hours.
Check the new SIM card every few hours obsessively. After one day, at 9pm last night, I plug in the SIM card and…SUCCESS! This is what it must feel like to give that final push and see your child for the first time.
Now I just need to port the number over to new phone company. I was told this was the easy part and should happen almost instantaneously.
Delirious with joy, I call new phone company on my husband’s phone.
They ask for my 6-10 digit password.
I have never heard of a 6-10 digit password. Of course, my few attempts to guess are unsuccessful. I suspect my brain is like a dying man in the desert, too weak to carry on any further.
Now new phone company has to call old phone company. The three of us sit together on a conference call like some sort of super weird awkward dinner party where you and your new partner have to sit next to your ex.
The old phone company says they’ll text me the password. So I wait, the three of us wait, in silence while I stare at my phone. Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING. After five minutes, I realize that I have the new phone company SIM card in and that’s probably the issue. Hopefully. Please God. Replace SIM card. Wait.
I collapse on the couch. Mr. Juris Doctor high fives me and turns back to his computer where we are working on ANOTHER thing that we thought would take five minutes and has clocked in at over an hour.
All this. Two months of back and forth. So we could save a few dollars on a phone plan.
THIS is adulting. I think this is the crux of it. Things take FOREVER and we are the only ones that are going to do them. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do them. We have to do them. But we have to go into them knowing that they will take FOREVER.
In Al-Anon there’s a great saying – “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Its general application is about relationships with people. But I was thinking about it this morning as it applied to our relationship with life. Ok, yes, the phone thing SHOULD have taken two seconds. I should have walked into my old phone company, terminated my plan and walked right into the other one and been all set up.
But that’s not what happened. So I got frustrated, angry and despondent. That happens to me CONSTANTLY and I bet it does to you too. Because almost nothing ever goes right. But what is right anyway? Maybe we need to rethink that “right.” Maybe “right” is just…life unfolding. Maybe if we stop expecting the phone-plan-switches of life to go a certain way, we can stop wasting time being mad that it didn’t go “right” and spend more time just being happy.
By the way, this post took FOREVER. I’m way behind now.